Germany Says About Taking Over The World: Third Time's The Charm

Two world wars isn’t quite enough for the only place whose list of countries it’s invaded is longer than the menu at The Cheesecake Factory. Although their tourist guides don’t tend to include the years 1939 to 1945 – God knows why – there is the invasion of the Roman Empire by Germany to remind us of the long-standing history of German invasions. Germany does have strict restrictions on building up its army, but in a quote last Tuesday the Bundeskanzler (Chancellor) reportedly said, “Ich weiB uberhaupt nicht kummerm” Except as it sounded more like an angry mess of sounds one would likely make after stubbing their toe, we're not sure how to translate it. This time, however, they do say they’re hoping to avoid such a large loss of civilian life, and instead, just ask the other countries nicely. They have already sent lavender scented letters and pink roses to Russia, Israel, Iran, China, and Japan, asking them if they would please “surrender peacefully. Love, The Fourth Reich.” When asked by the UN if they will just let it go and not try to take over the world again, Germany reportedly responded, “Don’t worry, we’ll sign any treaty you want.” Despite being warned by the United States about the military response if they try to annex anything, 90% of Germans polled responded with, “not too worried,” or “like you did with Russia and Ukraine?”

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