Company Overestimates Quality of Employees When Building New Gym

As Drew Benson began to change into his gym clothes in the beautiful, 500 square-foot gym his business company had afforded him, he looked around to notice only two other people were in there with him. Upon exiting the locker-room and approaching the track located around the three full sized basketball courts, he again realized there were few people there. Finally, once moving into the weight room with its thirty treadmills, seven lifting bars, and twelve unidentifiable electric machines, he found that the gym was all but abandoned. Although Drew, forty-five and over three hundred pounds is only a beginner on the gym scene, he is also the new expert around the office, fielding questions about protein shakes and number of reps from curious employees. 

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When questioned about being the only one of the 25,000 GlobalNet workforce to use the beautiful facilities he speculated, “I guess they just assumed more people were going to work out. Maybe they forgot we’re in America or something.” The new gym was a program led by the company to encourage people to be healthy, but it seems that the combination of season 3 of Orange is the New Black coming out and the fact that food is delicious has seriously hindered any progress by employees. “I thought about going to the gym once, but then I saw a muffin so…” remarked Drew’s coworker last month after the new gym was built. According to GlobalNet supervisors, the neglected gym is being repurposed as an All You Can Eat Buffet.