Coronavirus Thanks Those Who Supported Their Rise to Fame

​​With American Universities shutting down abroad programs and a wave of Anti-Chinese racism, the Coronavirus would like to send out its personal thanks to  everyone who has contributed to its meteoric rise in popularity. In a recent interview, the blushing virus said, “I thought I’d get maybe some airtime on the national news or harm some people, but the reception has been overwhelming.” When asked how it beat the infamous flu to notoriety this year, the virus responded, “I mean, it’s just an honor to be included in this category. Both influenza A and B have been aggressive, but I just kept infecting. I never dreamed of being as famous as H1N1 and I know my kill rate isn’t as high, but I just kept going and, I guess it just goes to show, it really is all about perseverance.” The virus also commented on its decision to leave the Wuhan province, noting that it wanted to “get out and see the world.” In regard to its extended stay in Italy, coronavirus has said that it is truly grateful for its warm reception in Italy and appreciates their infectious enthusiasm. The interview was concluded with a conversation on the virus’ thoughts on the Joe Biden robot conspiracy, the high price of medical care, and political correctness, with the coronavirus’ final statement being that it prefers the pronouns “they, them, theirs.”

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