Current Event Comedy Court: Checkmate! v. I thought we were playing checkers

Judge Judy wouldn't take your case? Here at Current Event Comedy Court we take all your ridiculous arguments. There are no qualifications in this court! It may not be the Supreme Court, but what do they know anyway? 


He was totally hustling me! All that talk about, “What do you do with the horsey?” and, “The Queen can do wherever she wants but the King can barely move, sounds about right.” This has been one of the more intense games of my life. Wow, he’s good. Twice he had me in check. But I won. Are you proud of me now dad?

V.

Checkmate? What the hell is he talking about? This has been the longest Checkers game of my life. This guy takes twenty minutes between each move! And all the pieces look so weird. I swear I don’t know why I hang out with him. This is just ridiculous. I tried to start the game off by moving one of the pieces and he insisted that the white pieces had to move first. They really should just make all the pieces tan. Yeah, that will fix everything. #justsolvedracism. And so much for there being no more war when women are in charge, the Queen has all the power and still we're fighting. Screw it. Next time, we're going mini-golfing. 

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