How To Survive the Snowfall

The Huffington Post has reported unprecedented snowfall burying all of New England  and leaving thousands stranded in their homes with nothing but Netflix to keep them warm. Extensive driving bans have been put in place and flights that aren’t cancelled have been severely delayed. We will give you the How To on surviving this winter with all of your limbs and most of your dignity.

1.     Instagram or Tweet pictures of the snow outside your winder to prove to everyone else that you also see the snow.

2.     Drive as fast as you can to minimize your time on the roads.

3.     Stick to cars with rear wheel drive so you can look cool as you skid across the ice in your 1992 Chevy.

4.     Make igloos instead of snowmen so you can live in them during the snowpocalypse.

5.     Call the storm a snowpocalypse.

6.     Driving bans, like laws, are just suggestions. You are a grown ass man and can go wherever you damn well please.

7.     Pilots that cancel flights are just being babies, wipe off the snow and get that plane off the ground.

8.     Kids, put ice under your pillow and a spoon in the toilet, leave no chance for your principle to not call a snowday