Local Man Would Prefer to Think Inside the Box, Where it's Safe, and Warm, and Bugs Can't Get In

Joseph Flauner, fed up with people telling him to 'think outside the box,' held a press conference last Thursday to announce that he will officially be staying inside the box. "I like the box. It's a nice box, and lots of good things have come from the box," he said. Although friends and coworkers have expressed concern about his debilitating fear of change, Joseph assures them, "If you change things, then something bad could happen, and we don't want that." He further claims his recent promotion to Assistant Manager at the local Safeway is proof the box is working out just fine. In an interview with his mother, she didn't seem so sure. "Yeah, he's fine with staying inside the metaphorical box, but if I kicked him out of my basement, I don't think he would enjoy the cardboard box on the side of the street too much," she said as she made him an egg salad sandwich. Our news correspondents have confirmed, he likes the crust cut off. 

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