Report: Google Becomes Number One Search Item on Bing

Thousands woke up last week to search up dancing cat videos and makeup tricks, only to find their Google home page had been replaced by Bing. One such victim was quoted saying, “Google always gave me the results I was looking for right away. Now when I type ‘chubby Asian porn’ into Bing, it just uhhh… never mind.”

In a study done by The Center for Unique Habits and Unusual People, it was shown that the elderly are especially susceptible to what’s been called The Bing Epidemic, as they are still fairly confused as to what the Internet is, and who the little people are inside the computers controlling everything. This study also showed that the number of times grandchildren explain what the Internet is, does not correlate with the grandparent’s ultimate comprehension or actually ability to use it. Little do they know their doctors are all using WebMD to diagnose them.

Businesspeople and janitors alike have bonded over the extreme annoyance of having to type ‘Google.com’ into the URL every time, and continue to overcome this obstacle as a community. A grassroots movement has emerged as thousands take to the streets to protest this inhumane atrocity. Although this process has made Google the number one search item on Bing, Bing has called the ordeal a “booming success."