While countries around the world are leaning toward the legalization of marijuana, it’s important to remember that as Americans, it’s our duty to uphold the proud tradition of holding onto decisions long after the rest of the world has figured out how wrong we are. TheOnion pointed out how nice it would be to be able to buy pot from our local Walgreens, rather than the alley behind our local Walgreens. However, marijuana might remain illegal for some time to come.
Sure, it'd be nice to save the lives of the millions of people now diagnosed with cancer and AIDS, but if we did, there would be huge problems with overpopulation. The economy just can’t handle that kind of growth. Especially now, with unemployment rates soaring, and job security plummeting, we just can’t afford to save the lives of strangers. Keep your money and research to close friends and family, and of course the incredibly wealthy. Even if for some reason people still smoked pot after it became legal, we definitely don’t want any of the tax revenue. Decreasing our debt might mean we actually have to pay back China. And they don’t need any more money – we all know the Chinese are already beating us. Teenagers these days have it tougher than ever, and no one needs marijuana blocking out massive amounts of illegally consumed ADD meds. Allowing anything to interfere with zombied out, hyper-focused kids chasing after meaningless wealth and material success is just irresponsible as a society. Though often the best reprieve from a drug induced study session is some good old-fashioned drug induced chill time, there is no relationship like the one you have with your dealer. Conversations with your local pharmacist will never replace the awkward negotiating over text that occurs between a life long drug addict and their dealer. Furthermore, how else will angsty, nihilistic teens show their parents how much they ‘just don’t care’ if marijuana can’t be a form of rebellion? Skipping class and snarky comments just don’t have the same effect on parents when not paired with life changing drug use to cue in the risk of never getting to kick a child out of your house. I can’t even imagine the drug ads! Are you suffering from epilepsy? Do you feel chronic pain destroying your life? Is anxiety or depression pulling you away from friends and family? Well, Marijuana is not the answer. As you delve deeper and deeper into hopelessness, don’t worry, alcohol will catch you when you fall and always be there to listen. Many people think marijuana doesn’t have any bad side effects, but the truth is the obesity epidemic in the United States just can’t handle any more people overeating. Besides, as you get fatter, the ‘legalize it’ tattoo you were so proud to get plastered across your back might stretch out awkwardly. For Part 2 of "Should We Legalize Marijuana? Ehhh probably?" Click Here!
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"Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot."
-Charlie Chaplin |