Current Event Comedy
Menu

It's only fake news if you don't believe it

featured:

Picture
College Students Forced to Hide Alcoholism While Living With Parents During Pandemic
Picture
Happy Birthday, Current Event Comedy
Picture
Brain Surgeons Switch to More Lucrative Career of Acting as Brain Surgeons
This Quiz is Guaranteed to Tell You Your Birth Parents Based on Your Netflix Lineup 

Native Americans Call "Squatters" on The United States

Germany Says About Taking Over the World: Third Time's the Charm

The Graduation Speech You Wish You Could Give:

5/13/2015

2 Comments

 
Picture
When I started here as a freshman, I didn’t know many of you. Now as a graduating senior, I still don’t know most of you. And looking out into the crowd today, I’m really glad. I don’t think that’s the point though, because although I don’t know many of you, the ones I do know, I’m proud to say I know decently well, in a solid acquaintance kind of way. In coming years, when people ask me if I know you, I will think back fondly to when I passed you in the hall or asked you to borrow a pencil and lovingly respond, “Why, are they rich?”

While I gaze back at the past four years seeing how agonizingly slowly it all went by, I can only hope the future holds more promise than this. I absolutely must believe, or else I will off myself like that girl our sophomore year…. wait what was her name? I’m not sure I forget, but I read the tragic post on Instagram and I know you all remember who it is I’m talking about.

School gets a lot of criticism for not preparing students enough for the real world. But as a student myself, I would have to disagree. Bathroom passes, having to raise your hand before speaking, and overall deference for anyone with a tie are all vital aspects of life outside these walls – considering most of you will end up in jail that is. Because I am in fact an American student, however, everything I say should be taken with a grain of salt big enough to make even the thirstiest girl in school parched – I’m talking about you Janet. Maybe fact check with someone from the Chinese or Finnish school system before citing this speech to sound smart in an overly formal conversation with someone you’re intimidated by. 


2 Comments
jaynie karp
5/13/2015 08:18:57 am

much funniness!

Reply
Lexie
5/13/2015 12:55:00 pm

This is awesome

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    "Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot."
                                                               -Charlie Chaplin

    Most Popular

    1. Northern States Asking If It’s Not Too Late To Let The South Secede

    2. Local student decides to commemorate MLK Day by watching BET

    3. I died once, but I think it'll look good on my college app

    4. Top Ten Hashtags of 2014
    
    5. Should we legalize marijuana: Ehhh, probably?

    RSS Feed

    Categories

    All
    CEC Court
    Coronavirus
    Entertainment
    How To
    Local
    Politics
    Teen

Current event comedy

All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
"Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot."
                                                           -Charlie Chaplin
  • News
  • About
  • Politics
  • Teen
  • How To
  • CEC Court
  • Entertainment
  • News
  • About
  • Politics
  • Teen
  • How To
  • CEC Court
  • Entertainment